Fear of Death

This is a topic that if very hard for me to discuss. What I'm going to say throughout it probably won't make sense to some people who read it. They may also think that I'm crazy or don't really trust God for feeling this way and maybe that's true. I just know that it is something I have struggled with my entire life and really am open to any suggestions people may have.

Death has always scared me. I don't know if it's the actual dying part I'm afraid of but really the fear of the unknown. I know that throughout my entire life I have been told that when I die if I believe I will go to heaven and that is something that I truly believe. I am a Christian, I have accepted Christ and I look forward to spending eternity with him. What I can't comprehend is the eternity part. When I die then forever I am going to live in heaven but does forever end? I just can't comprehend it. Maybe as humans we aren't supposed to be able to, that's part of God's wonder and awesomeness but I just don't know how to understand it. I want to, and I want to not be fearful of it but I just don't know how.

As I write this and I think about eternity I feel such anxiety and fear that I have to constantly stay away from thinking about it. This has been true ever since I was a child. Thankfully I no longer dwell on it but I used to. I was so fearful I wouldn't sleep, I was afraid to fall asleep and not wake up. The only way I was able to find comfort was to pray to Christ. Luckily this made my relationship with Christ grow even more but I have been unable to get over this fear and I don't know how to do so. I feel like I'm not as strong of a Christian for feeling this way. For questioning that this amazing and almighty God can take care of little old me for an eternity. In reality my fear isn't that he won't be able to take care of me just what happens next? What happens next?

I understand heaven happens next but is there something that happens after that? Do we ever come back to earth? Do we see earth? What happens when Christ comes back and we're in heaven? Are more people created to live in heaven? There are so many questions that I know cannot be answered and some that may be answered the more I read my bible and learn but I just can't get past this fear.

This blog is simply a list of questions that maybe other people have. I just wonder if I should be questioning these things? I question if I should question? Oh the irony. Anyway I just had to write this. People may think I'm crazy or strange and it's okay. Maybe someone will have answers someday.

It would be awesome if when we get to heaven we get a one on one meeting with God. We can ask him whatever questions we might have. I know that my meeting would be quite long. Hopefully full of more answers than questions. Well I'll end my rambling for now.

Have a blessed Sunday on this beautiful day!