Sunday, April 28, 2013

What is Next?

I've learned that when you graduate college, live at home with your parents, and work multiple part time jobs you get asked quite a few times what's the next step? Are you going back to school? Are you going to get a new job? My favorite though comes from my grandfather and that's; How's your love life?  In response to my grandfather... nothing, the same answer I've given him since I was 7 and that question was asked. Actually when I think about it my answer to most questions would really be I don't know. I'm not quite sure why people think that I would know. I'm in my early twenties, I graduated with a degree I need to go to grad school for and I really enjoy one of my jobs. To be honest, most of the time I'm content with my life.

The question I have for these people who ask me questions though is, Is content what I should want? I mean as much as I tease my parents I don't want to live with them forever. They're nice people and all but there comes a time when it's time to move on. Then however it comes down to how do I move out. I love my job but there's no way I can afford to move out with the job I have. So then what do I do? Quit my job? Mainly I've just learned that the 20s are full of more questions than answers.

Side-note for a minute. When I was younger there was a poem by Shel Silverstein that I loved. It was called Whatif. I'll attach the link at the bottom but really is was just about a kid laying in bed and having a lot of whatif questions run through their head. At times I feel that way, there are so many questions running through my head when will they stop. The end of the poem finishes "Everything seems to swell and then, the nightime whatifs stike again!" I'm sure many of you at a crossroads in your life have felt this. The great news that I have to offer is not that you will never have them again, or all of the answers will come quickly and easily, the great news is we're not alone!

When the nighttime whatifs strike we get to pray to a God who will listen, we just often seem to forget this. We think that we can handle it. Just last week we might have failed and had a problem after trying this but that won't happen this time. Nope we will get it figured out on our own this time. I have to say for having a book written for us to help us through life and a God who wants to be active and help us through our lives we really don't take full advantage of the awesomeness that is! Luckily God is all for happy little reminders.

Currently I'm training for a bike race. I've been trying to ride 10 or more miles a day and so far it hasn't been too bad. When I get halfway through I love to stop at this place along the river. I've been a water fan my whole life so it's a great place where I can reflect and catch my breath. Today I came along that spot and decided to have a little one on one time with God. I listen to music while I ride so I have my iphone with me and of course I have the bible app. They have that verse a day part that shows up right when you click on it and the verse was from 1 John and it read " This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all[b] sin."

You know those times when you feel like someone is trying to tell you something and though you hear it you choose to ignore it and then they get in your face and scream at you while shaking your head and then you finally get it? Then you look at them and you're like kind of waiting for them to just yell DUH!!! but they respectfully just smile and welcome you back. That's kind of how I felt. See God has been trying to tell me this and I think I kind of pulled away for awhile but this was the verse that I needed. Also the song Stand by Rascal Flatts was playing and it was just adding to it. I just kind of sat there staring at the river getting chills and thinking alright God. This may reminder 108432523908412 that you've given me to remind me that you're here but thank you again!

Fear of Death

This is a topic that if very hard for me to discuss. What I'm going to say throughout it probably won't make sense to some people who read it. They may also think that I'm crazy or don't really trust God for feeling this way and maybe that's true. I just know that it is something I have struggled with my entire life and really am open to any suggestions people may have.

Death has always scared me. I don't know if it's the actual dying part I'm afraid of but really the fear of the unknown. I know that throughout my entire life I have been told that when I die if I believe I will go to heaven and that is something that I truly believe. I am a Christian, I have accepted Christ and I look forward to spending eternity with him. What I can't comprehend is the eternity part. When I die then forever I am going to live in heaven but does forever end? I just can't comprehend it. Maybe as humans we aren't supposed to be able to, that's part of God's wonder and awesomeness but I just don't know how to understand it. I want to, and I want to not be fearful of it but I just don't know how.

As I write this and I think about eternity I feel such anxiety and fear that I have to constantly stay away from thinking about it. This has been true ever since I was a child. Thankfully I no longer dwell on it but I used to. I was so fearful I wouldn't sleep, I was afraid to fall asleep and not wake up. The only way I was able to find comfort was to pray to Christ. Luckily this made my relationship with Christ grow even more but I have been unable to get over this fear and I don't know how to do so. I feel like I'm not as strong of a Christian for feeling this way. For questioning that this amazing and almighty God can take care of little old me for an eternity. In reality my fear isn't that he won't be able to take care of me just what happens next? What happens next?

I understand heaven happens next but is there something that happens after that? Do we ever come back to earth? Do we see earth? What happens when Christ comes back and we're in heaven? Are more people created to live in heaven? There are so many questions that I know cannot be answered and some that may be answered the more I read my bible and learn but I just can't get past this fear.

This blog is simply a list of questions that maybe other people have. I just wonder if I should be questioning these things? I question if I should question? Oh the irony. Anyway I just had to write this. People may think I'm crazy or strange and it's okay. Maybe someone will have answers someday.

It would be awesome if when we get to heaven we get a one on one meeting with God. We can ask him whatever questions we might have. I know that my meeting would be quite long. Hopefully full of more answers than questions. Well I'll end my rambling for now.

Have a blessed Sunday on this beautiful day!

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Waiting for Mr. Right

I haven't written a post in awhile but I had some down time today which always allows me to think which normally leads me to write a post, so here it is.

Lately I've been going to quite a few weddings. I feel blessed and honored to be invited but it makes me wonder why haven't I found Mr. Right for me. I'm not saying I want to be getting ready to marry someone right away but why have I not at least started down the trail. It almost makes me feel like I'm driving on a highway in the middle of nowhere and I pass a sign that says Mr. Right 2000 miles ahead. I don't mean to complain while writing this but it allowed me to think about what I'm hoping to find and what can I do to try and find it.

The nice thing about the internet is the fact that you can search anything, I would just suggest being careful as to how you phrase things. Anyway I decided to search how to make a guy like you. Turns out there are quite a few ways to make that happen, not all of which I was willing to try. There were suggestions such as; dress to impress, be yourself, make good eye contact. They are all valid but they're also common sense. If there's someone you really like you're not going to dress in your oldest clothing, you wouldn't even do that if you didn't like someone. Eye contact is a must to make any conversation flow and make you seem interested.

Being yourself however is one that we can often get stuck on. It makes you really think who am I? Society today tries to mold us into who we think we should be or in this case who we should be to find our Mister Rights. It can be hard to withstand the pressure and not fall into thinking that we're not good enough because we aren't who society tells us to be. Recently I was able to watch a commerical made by Dove that really inspired me. It's a simple commercial with such a great message. I'll attach the link to this post so feel free to watch.

Women are brought into a room with a forensic sketch artist who can't see them and the women are told to describe themselves to this artist. He draws the picture and tells them to leave without seeing them. After he finished all of the initial pictures the women are brought in again and told to describe another woman who they were sitting in the room with and he drew their picture on the same paper. They are then brought around to see both pictures.

When the women look at the picture they described of themselves they all look sad and unattractive because they described themselves so poorly. The picture described by the other woman however is beautiful. We are often our hardest critics and yet we can't understand why we can't find Mister Right.

The old saying you have to love yourself before someone else can love you is really true. I know I struggle with it and I probably always will. I'm working on it though. The greatest thing is that we don't have to struggle alone in any of this. We have our amazing awesome God. He created us in his image and made us to be who we are and he loves us. Like that commercial when we see ourselves looking ugly and sad he sees us in the way the other woman does, beautiful and happy. So full of life and as we go down the path he has planned for us we will find who we are supposed to be with. So while it may be hard at times to find that person and we may feel alone we never are. We have God the greatest love we can ever have.

There are times I've thought of settling, just finding someone who I could stand to be with but then what's the point. If I say that I'm in love with Jesus Christ and I love him then when I was saying I was in love with Mr. Not-so-Right it would almost be as if I was belittling my love for Christ. In the English language we only have one word for love and though Christ will always be my first love and who I love the most I don't even want to venture to use the word love for someone I don't feel that way for.

I know this is a long post, full of rambling but this is just a hard topic for me to talk about. I hope that you enjoyed it and feel free to comment. This life is a journey, at times full of excitement, struggle but always full of love if you believe.

Peace and Love

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/15/doves-real-beauty-sketches-ad-campaign-video_n_3088071.html